The Words We Tell Ourselves
By Terre Short
Early on, I became concerned with the words whirling around in my own head, the stories I was telling myself. These days, I call this my “Personal Podcast.” We all listen to this personal podcast throughout the day, and occasionally in the middle of the night. The challenge is truly deciding to be the producer, director, narrator, and host of this show. We get to choose the words and the stories we create. There are many ways to adjust the narrative and ensure you are choosing words that are confident, assuring, inspiring, and elevating. The first step is to identify those that are limiting or minimizing you.
Some words are much more limiting than others. For instance, when I allow the word can’t into my narrative, I am limiting myself. For as long as I tell myself I can’t do something, I will be correct, and this will be true. I don’t stand a chance. Whereas, when I tell myself I can, even if there is a bit of doubt, I am introducing possibility and hope. I might change up the narrative in this manner:
“I can’t write my next book this year.” changes to – “I can write my next book this year, and it will take some additional prioritization.”
Notice I did not say, “But it will take some prioritization.” But is another limiting word. And is an extender and offers the connection to other thoughts. Nor did I say, “I can write my next book this year, if some other priorities drop off my plate.” Instead, I would choose to say, “I can write my next book this year, when my commitment with the _____ organization ends.” When is much more hopeful, assertive, and clear about what priority needs to change.
After writing my book, The Words We Choose, Your Guide to How and Why Words Matter, I was encouraged to create online courses to bring the content to life. The first course covers the words we choose for our internal narrative – our personal podcast. It sets the foundation with word choices around what one values most in life, words that anchor a sense of purpose.
The course comprises a multitude of ways we utilize our internal narrative. It explores the five key components of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and how word choices can elevate EQ. It also includes a lesson on Nature vs. Nurture that draws on studies related to how biases develop and a lesson on identifying words that activate negative emotions and limitations. Each lesson comes with an outline, a 12-25 min video, and a worksheet to solidify the learning. Here is a sample lesson reflection for teasing out your values.
REFLECTION
Begin by identifying your values. What do others say about you? How would they complete these sentences? If you are unsure, ask a few people. You can also access Brené Brown’s downloadable list of values on her website.
- (Your Name) consistently leads with _______________________________________.
- (Your Name) embodies _____________________________________________________.
- (Your Name) is the true spirit of what it means to be _______________________.
- (Your Name) exhibits a true sense of _______________________ in all she does.
- When I think of (Your Name), I think of ______________________________________.
- (Your Name) handles most situations with such _____________________________.
- (Your Name)’s communication is founded in _________________________________.
These responses are characterized by the words you routinely choose, and therefore are the words that represent you – your values. List your values here:
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Norman Vincent Peale said, “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” Indeed! What are you telling yourself that no longer serves you? Which words permeate your internal narrative and are holding you back from your full potential and a joyful life? Once you identify the culprits (but, can’t, should, have to, if…etc.) you will be able to replace them with more supportive words that connect you to your values and your true intention.
The courses related to the book can be accessed on our Thriving Leader Collaborative (TLC) website.
Terre Short is a best-selling author, executive leadership coach, dynamic speaker and learning experience creator who connects from her heart. Visit ThrivingLeaderCollaborative.com to learn more.
