Where Does Confidence Come From?

By Terre Short

In my twenties, I was often asked where I got my confidence. The question perplexed me. REI? From my morning coffee? At school? Was it hereditary? My next thought was often, is it a bad thing? Do I have too much? It ends up I still have quite a bit of confidence in most circumstances, and I am only a bit closer to knowing why. I did some research that I have combined with my own experience, and knowledge gained from coaching hundreds of leaders, to share with you.

Confidence has served me well and I recognize it as a crucial aspect of psychological wellbeing. It appears to play a significant role in various areas of life, from personal relationships to professional achievements. Building confidence is a process and we benefit from understanding its origins and adopting strategies to nurture it. This article delves into the foundations of confidence and explores its sources. A subsequent article will provide practical steps to develop and enhance confidence.

Confidence can be defined as the belief in one’s abilities to succeed in specific situations or accomplish certain tasks. It is closely linked to self-efficacy, which is the extent of an individual’s belief in their capability to perform actions necessary to achieve desired outcomes. It influences motivation, perseverance, and resilience, making it an essential trait for navigating life’s challenges.

The Origins of Confidence

Confidence originates from a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. These can be broadly categorized into the following sources:

1. Genetic Disposition: Some aspects of confidence are inherited. Studies have shown that genetic factors can account for a significant portion of self-esteem and self-efficacy (Neiss, Sedikides, & Stevenson, 2002). While genetics provide a baseline, they do not determine one’s confidence entirely. Nor does it mean that genetic disposition will prevent you from gaining confidence.
2. Early Childhood Experiences: The early environment plays a crucial role in shaping confidence. Positive reinforcement, supportive parenting, and opportunities for success during childhood can foster a strong sense of self-worth and capability (Sroufe, Egeland, Carlson, & Collins, 2005). Conversely, negative experiences, such as criticism or neglect, can undermine confidence. Again, it is helpful to determine how confidence may have been undermined in your early life, but this does not mean you cannot build upon it. And for the parent readers, this is something to keep in mind when choosing your words well. I suggest my section in The Words We Choose: Your Guide to How and Why Words Matter, on connecting with children and nature verses nurture.
3. Social Learning: Observing and modeling others also contributes to confidence development. Bandura’s Social Learning Theory emphasizes that individuals learn behaviors and attitudes through observing the actions and outcomes of others (Bandura, 1977). Role models who demonstrate confidence and success can inspire similar attitudes in observers. This can be a teacher, a parent, an aunt, and even athletes, leaders, and public figures.
4. Personal Achievements and Failures: Successes and failures throughout life shape confidence. Achievements reinforce self-efficacy and encourage further efforts, while failures can either diminish confidence or, when framed positively, serve as learning opportunities (Dweck, 2006). In my experience, this has been the key accelerator of confidence. I often think of when I moved to California from Maryland at age twenty with very little money and no job or home. Navigating these challenges absolutely added to my confidence for each subsequent move and job change. The key here is to acknowledge everything that is positive about achievements and failures – what did you do well, which strengths did you leverage, and which skill do you need more of? What will you do differently based on this experience?
5. Cognitive Processes: The way individuals think about themselves, and their abilities influences their confidence levels. Cognitive-behavioral theories highlight the role of self-talk, beliefs, and perceptions in shaping confidence. Positive self-talk and realistic goal setting can enhance confidence, while negative thinking patterns can erode it (Beck, 2011). It is beneficial to flip the script of your negative ruminations to what does serve you, what you can and do accomplish. I am a fan of “pivot practices.” These are practices you do when you observe the negative narrative bullying you. This can be three deep breaths, some finger snapping to change your energy, any small effort to reset your neural pathways toward positive reinforcement.

These five sources of confidence are a good stating place. In the next article, I will offer some strategies to build and enhance confidence. In the meantime, I encourage you to contemplate the effect of the five categories listed above in your life. Ask yourself:

• What are your thoughts on your genetic disposition toward confidence?
• What effect might your childhood have had on your confidence?
• Who have you observed having healthy confidence? What have you learned from them?
• What successes and failures have informed your confidence?
• What do you believe about yourself? How do you shift unsupportive narratives to positive self-talk?

We are all capable of being our best, confident selves. This may be in a job, in a relationship, for a presentation, when networking. We can learn to build more confidence in specific knowledge, and skills, and in how we communicate. Keep an eye out for the second part of this series. I am confident you will acquire some key takeaways.

Continue learning with part 2 – Strategies to Build and Enhance Confidence.

References

1. Bandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory. Prentice Hall.
2. Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
3. Neiss, M. B., Sedikides, C., & Stevenson, J. (2002). Self-Esteem: A Behaviour Genetic Perspective. European Journal of Personality, 16(5), 351-367.
4. Sroufe, L. A., Egeland, B., Carlson, E. A., & Collins, W. A. (2005). The Development of the Person: The Minnesota Study of Risk and Adaptation from Birth to Adulthood. Guilford Press.

Terre Short is a best-selling author, executive leadership coach, dynamic speaker and learning experience creator who connects from her heart. Visit ThrivingLeaderCollaborative.com to learn more.