If you asked my parents 30 years ago if I would end up being considered a communication expert, they likely would have said, “Only based on how much she talks!” When I was younger, my father invited me and my three siblings to tell about our day at the dinner table. We had a very limited amount of time to recount an entire day! My brother typically responded in a monosyllable, but somehow, I was never granted his extra time. It is true I like to tell stories and have always been fascinated by the words people choose. Early on, I became concerned with the words whirling around in my own head, the stories I was telling myself.

These days, I call this my “Personal Podcast.” We all listen to this personal podcast throughout the day, and occasionally in the middle of the night. The challenge is truly deciding to be the producer, director, narrator, and host of this show. We get to choose the words and the stories we create.

Some words are much more limiting than others. For instance, when I allow the word “can’t” into my narrative, I am limiting myself. For as long as I tell myself I can’t do something, I will be correct, and this will be true. I don’t stand a chance. Whereas, when I tell myself I can, even if there is a bit of doubt, I am introducing possibility and hope. I might change up the narrative in this manner:

“I can’t write my next book this year.” changes to – “I can write my next book this year, and it will take some additional prioritization.”

Notice I did not say, “But it will take some prioritization.” “But” is another limiting word. “And” is an extender and offers the connection to other thoughts. There are many ways to adjust the narrative and ensure you are choosing words that are confident, assuring, inspiring, and elevating. The first step is to identify those that are limiting or minimizing you.

After writing my book, The Words We Choose, Your Guide to How and Why Words Matter, I was encouraged to create online courses to bring the content to life. The four courses, with six lessons each, may have been harder than writing the book. The first course covers the words we choose for our internal narrative – personal podcast. It sets the foundation with word choices around what one values most in life, words that anchor a sense of purpose.

The course comprises a multitude of ways we utilize our internal narrative. It explores the five key components of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and how word choices can elevate EQ. It also includes a lesson on Nature vs. Nurture that draws on studies related to how biases develop and a lesson on identifying words that trigger negative emotions and limitations. For a taste, here is a sample reflection for teasing out your values.

REFLECTION

Begin by identifying your values. What do others say about you? How would they complete these sentences? If you are unsure, ask a few people. You can also access Brené Brown’s downloadable list of values on her website.

1.     (Your Name) consistently leads with _______________________________________ .

2.     (Your Name) embodies _____________________________________________________ .

3.     (Your Name) is the true spirit of what it means to be _______________________ .

4.     (Your Name) exhibits a true sense of _______________________  in all she does.

5.     When I think of (Your Name), I think of ______________________________________ .

6.     (Your Name) handles most situations with such _____________________________ .

7.     (Your Name)’s communication is founded in _________________________________ .

These responses are characterized by the words you routinely choose, and therefore are the words that represent you – your values. List your values here:

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Norman Vincent Peale said, “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” Indeed! What are you telling yourself that no longer serves you? Which words permeate your internal narrative and are holding you back from your full potential and a joyful life?

In Part 2, we will explore how the words you choose affect others. Even the ones you choose for yourself can affect others, at least how they perceive and relate to you. As we approach a new year, perhaps you are considering how you will evolve, what you will learn that will elevate you and create a pathway to thriving. We are here to serve you on that journey and hope you will explore the myriad of resources we offer.